Wendling, Sara Beth

Deployment can present a unique set of challenges for military families. One of those challenges is parenting. During the deployment cycle, the Service member parent transitions to a remote parent that looks different than their typical day-to-day role. It can be difficult for both children and at-home parents to experience these transitions as roles shift and responsibilities change within the family. The deployment cycle consists of three stages; pre-deployment, deployment, and reintegration. It is important for couples to begin discussing parenting expectations regarding how the family will function while the Service member is deployed during the pre-deployment stage (i.e., before the Service member leaves on deployment). Planning and communication are key to co-parenting through the deployment cycle. Developing a battle rhythm, or discussing expectations, responsibilities, and a realistic plan of communication before, during, and after deployment can help families adjust to these transitions more easily. Pre-deployment battle rhythm: Discuss deployment as a family o Military One Source provides kid-friendly videos to explain deployment to children: Click here Discuss parenting roles and expectations New parenting responsibilities The parent at home will likely take on previously shared responsibilities such as bedtime/morning routines, driving to and from activities, and household tasks. Enlist help for the parent at home Seek out assistance for at-home parents. For example, hiring someone to take care of yardwork, asking family members to help with day-to-day tasks, and/or having a trusted babysitter on hand for when the at-home parent needs a break or has an appointment. If possible, keep the Service member parent involved in some parenting tasks. For example, depending on each parents’ schedules, the Service member parent could read bedtime stories to children. Figure out how and when to communicate Pick means of communication: letters, video calls, phone calls, emails, care packages. Pick a day and time that works best for your family. Deployment is unpredictable, prepare to be flexible with your communication plan. Example: We will talk on the phone on Mondays or Thursdays. Deployment battle rhythm: Keep the Service member parent updated on child(ren)’s development and accomplishments. For example, taking photos and videos of children’s milestones such as learning to read, riding a bike, even a dance recital or soccer game. At-home parents can keep Service member parents present in the children’s lives by keeping photos around and talking about them frequently. A few more fun ways to remind children of their parent during deployment include creating a scrap book together or watching video recordings. To help children comprehend where their parent is, find the deployment location on a map and use a calendar to count down the days until the Service member parent returns. At-home parents can seek out resources in the community to assist them in their role as the primary parent. Operation We Are Here is an online resource for military families that provides free resources for families including information on deployment, parenting, care packages and more. Click here Military One Source provides military families with helpful tips and resources for parenting during deployment. Click here Military One Source also provides military families with webinars. This webinar discusses the important role of the at-home parent during deployment. Click here Post-deployment (reintegration) battle rhythm: Re-discuss parenting roles and expectations. Once the Service member parent returns home, there may no longer be a need for additional help. Have a discussion about what tasks each of parent will be responsible for. For example, the Service member parent could resume some of their previous parenting responsibilities such as household work, transporting children, homework help, or bath time. Communicate and hear your partner’s concerns. Use programs designed to assist your family during the reintegration period After Deployment Adaptive Parenting Tools (ADAPT) - Click here Strong Families Strong Forces (SFSF) - Click here RECENT STORIES Related Stories in References DeVoe, E. R., Ross, A. M., Spencer, R., Drew, A., Acker, M., Paris, R., & Jacoby, V. (2019). Coparenting across the deployment cycle: Observations from military families with young children. Journal of Family Issues, 41(9), 1447-1469. Link to Source

Family Story

https://militaryreach.auburn.edu/co-parenting-across-the-deployment-cycle.jsp

https://aub.ie/MilitaryREACH-DeVoe19

DeVoe, E., Ross, A., Spencer, R., Drew, A., Acker, M., Paris, R., & Jacoby, V. (2020). Coparenting across the deployment cycle: Observations from military families with young children. Journal of Family Issues, 41(9), 1447-1469. https://doi.org/10.1177/0192513X19894366

Coparenting is a dynamic process that involves coordination among the adults who are responsible for the care, upbringing, and socialization of their children, which continues even during times of family separation (e.g., deployment). This qualitative study was rooted in social ecological theory and sought to understand the coparenting experiences of service members and their home front partners across the deployment cycle (i.e., predeployment, deployment, and reintegration). Semi-structured interviews were conducted with 39 Service members (mostly National Guard and Reserve) and 31 home front parents who had at least one child who was five years old or younger during a war-related deployment. Findings suggest that home front parents play a significant role in managing parenting tasks during deployment and in facilitating a positive relationship between the deployed parent and child(ren).

https://doi.org/10.1177%2F0192513X19894366

Couples
Deployment
Parents

Air Force
Army
Marine Corps
Multiple branches

Active Duty
Guard

Active duty service member
Guard/Reserve member
Military families
Spouse of service member or veteran

Adulthood (18 yrs & older)
Young adulthood (18 - 29 yrs)
Thirties (30 - 39 yrs)
Middle age (40 - 64 yrs)

Cross-Sectional Study
Qualitative Study

DeVoe, Ellen R., Ross, Abigail M., Spencer, Renee, Drew, Alison, Acker, Michelle, Paris, Ruth, Jacoby, Vanessa

Contemporary service members and their partners have adapted their coparenting to respond to the specific transitions and disruptions associated with wartime deployment cycles and evolving child development. This qualitative study draws upon interviews with service member and home front parents of very young children to characterize their coparenting experiences throughout the deployment cycle. Parents described varied approaches as they considered their children’s developmental capacities, the fluidity of demands throughout deployment, and the service member’s well-being during reintegration. A common theme was the key role of home front parents in facilitating the service member–child relationship through communication and maintaining the presence of the deployed parent in the child’s everyday life. Reintegration challenges included redistribution of coparenting roles, the pacing of the service member into family roles, and concerns related to the returning parent’s distress. Study findings highlight areas of coparenting throughout the deployment cycle that can be supported though prevention and intervention efforts.

SAGE Publications

Article
REACH Publication

Boston University School of Social Work, ERD
Fordham University Graduate School of Social Service, AMR
Boston University School of Social Work, RS
Boston University School of Social Work, AD
Boston University School of Social Work, MA
Boston University School of Social Work, RP
University of Texas Health Science Center at San Antonio, VJ