When you think of military children, you probably think about how tough their lives must be. And sure, things such as deployments and frequent relocations are difficult. However, would you be surprised to learn that recent research showed that 95% of children with a deployed parent were able to maintain a stable household routine? Would you also be surprised to learn that more than 60% of these children stayed well-connected with their deployed Service-member parent and that they had an easy reconnection once their parent returned from deployment? A key takeaway from these findings is that being a military child requires strength, courage, and sacrifice. So, this month we honor military children for the important role they play in the armed forces community and their resiliency. To do this, we connected with six children who grew up in military families to learn about what military life was like for them. Some common themes emerged like the joy of meeting and making new friends, the pain of leaving close friends, and all military families do not share the same experiences and challenges. Once you read this piece, our hope is you are inspired to have thoughtful conversations with military-connected children and families that help them feel welcome and supported in your communities. What are some of the pros and cons of growing up in a military family? I grew up as part of a National Guard/Reserve family. One pro was that I got to tag along with my parents to work when I was younger just to see what they did. My parents always had time off around major holidays and could usually take the day off for my birthday. The main con of military life was dealing with parental separations such as when my parent was deployed. Another disadvantage, particularly related to being part of a National Guard/Reserve family, was that I didn’t have a lot of other military kids to interact with or relate to. – Killian, Army Guard & Reserve The pros were getting to move and live different places! It forced me to step out of my comfort zone and learn how to interact with people I’d never met before. The cons were also moving because of the constant changing schools where the kids had already grown up together and had their set friend groups. – Natalia, Air Force Pros of being a military child were making new friends all the time and the unique life experiences. The cons were that sometimes life is not certain; there can be a lot of worrying about the state of political affairs, wars, etc. – Moira, Navy The pros were being able to travel the world, having good health insurance, and the sense of pride that your father/mother serves their country. The primary con was that because we were a military family, my parents worked odd hours. – Hannah, Air Force A pro would be the people you meet, and a con would be having a parent that is absent at times. I was around 6 years old when my dad first deployed to Iraq, and around 9 years old when he went again. – Kinsey, Marines How many times did you move growing up? What were some of the highs and lows of moving around? I moved four times. I was born at Tyndall AFB, FL then moved to Colorado, Wisconsin, Oregon, and back to Florida. The highs were living in a new house in a new neighborhood and hoping the neighborhood had a lot of kids! The low was every time I finally felt like I had made friends, I had to move and start over. – Natalia, Air Force I only moved four times across the country. The highs of moving were always getting to make new friends and getting to redecorate a room. However, the lows were the inevitable loss of long-established friends, teachers, Girl Scout troop leaders, etc. Also, your stuff gets lost in the move! – Moira, Navy I moved 7 times. The highs were seeing new places and getting to meet new friends, whereas the lows were being either behind or ahead in school because things are taught in different orders in different states/areas. For instance, I never learned capital letters in cursive because in Virginia we learned lower case first, then we moved, my new school did upper case first. So, I learned lower case twice...This is part of the reason why I decided to homeschool my children who are being raised in the military. – Heather, Marines Our family lived in Jacksonville, North Carolina for twelve years because I had medical problems at a young age and was part of the EFMP program (special needs program now). While growing up, my dad would hop from all the bases in the area and did two 1-year tours to Japan. We did not make a major family move until I was in high school. Since I was a unique military child who didn’t move around multiple times before high school, moving in high school was a hard adjustment. But I’m so glad I experienced it! – Kinsey, Marines What were your family’s special traditions when your Service member parent returned from a deployment? My family’s thing would be a big trip to Disney World! It was always nice to celebrate being reunited in the most magical place on earth. – Killian, Army Guard & Reserves We loved getting to have dinner all together again, that was the main tradition, just a big meal. – Natalia, Air Force I remember big celebrations in air hangars in preparation for arrivals and getting to stay up late with other squadron kids. I also remember one time my best friend’s family came with us to Disney World when her dad was deployed and mine had just gotten back. – Moira, Navy What advice would you give to other military children who may be struggling to adapt to the military lifestyle? I would say to focus on the positives and try not to get too caught up in worrying about the situations your parent(s) may be in. It was always comforting to me when I thought of the good times and about what we were going to do when my parent(s) returned from deployment. – Killian, Army Guard & Reserve My advice is that it is in your best interest to be personable and outgoing (even if you have to fake it a little) for the first couple of weeks when you move somewhere new because things are so much easier once you find new friends and your niche! – Natalia, Air Force I would say always be open to new experiences. The flower of military children is the dandelion because of its ability to put roots down anywhere and thrive. People will always be interested in you and your unique perspective, and you should cherish those who support you when times are tough. Also, read a lot— it provides a convenient escape when times get tough and literary friends you’ll never lose. – Moira, Navy Although moving around a lot is tough, the bright side is that you can make friends all over the world and be introduced to so many different cultures and experiences you would’ve never had if you stayed in one area your whole childhood. My advice is to be thankful that your parent(s) is willing to sacrifice their life in service to their country. Hopefully, they can teach you the same values that have been instilled in them by being in the military. – Hannah, Air Force Be flexible and go with the flow; it’s actually a good lesson to learn for the adult world. Adjusting to change makes military children well-adjusted adults. – Heather, Marines I would tell them that it seems hard now, but it only helps you to grow, and, in the future, you will view those hard times as life-changing moments. Another thing is that it’s okay to miss your old friends and it takes time to get used to new people and a new area, but you don’t have to change who you are to do that. – Kinsey, Marines Military REACH would like to give special thanks to Killian, Natalia, Moira, Hannah, Heather, and Kinsey for sharing their stories and experiences growing up in military families.

Abbate, Kate

Family Story

https://militaryreach.auburn.edu/ffMilitaryChildren.jsp